If Only

If Only

If I only knew your thoughts

What you are thinking

No use today - even tomorrow

Your stubborness and cold heart

are keeping us apart

You win my friend -

Another New Year passes

We sip on wine

And secretly remember

The memories of our past

Knowing how profoundly

Our love still lasts

You sit and I wait

The clock continues in endless tick

If I only knew your thoughts.

With a Heart of Love,

Bonnie Tierney

Author & Veteran

With A Heart of Love for the 241

To My Comrades


You are not alone today
You stand tall and with your family by your side
Memories of your past will live on forever
In the hearts and souls of so many

Your names are each etched on the wall
And through time many have come to understand
The how, who, what where and when
The senselessness of the attack on the Marine barracks
that took each of you from us

Today though, I remember with a Heart of Love
I remember not the darkness but the love
That each of your families and loved ones send my way
For on this day I have surrendered
My pain, my tears and all that I remember

That is destructive to my personal being
I will learn to walk in the light
With you by side giving me strength
To know that today I too have given my all

Light a candle for me my friends
Hold me by your side
In your hearts and souls
I will now forever reside

With a Heart of Love
Written for the 241 soldiers
Who are no longer just names on a wall

Bonnie Tierney
October 23, 2008

For the Grace of God....

The Heart of My Ocean


You are the heart of my ocean
Your very existence keeps me alive
Nothing else around me seems to matter
I’m holding on to this feeling – so fearful of letting go

Time seems so endless and yet I know the clock is ticking
The waves cover me – the water pounding against my face
The pain continues, relentless in the effort to arouse me
Vivid memories rip at the very core of my existence
Why can’t I forget?

Then I reach down – deep into my heart
I’m reminded of you again
Nothing can hurt me anymore
For I have given more than I have left
And that which remains is all that I have.

You are the heart of my ocean
When the sun sets and the ocean grows calm
And you lie down to rest
I will close my eyes and rest with you
For all that matters will be no more
Why? You are the heart of my ocean.

By

B.J. Tierney
December 31, 2001

Written for

“Rose” who wears “Big Shoes”

The powerful "Grace" in My Life

Re-dedicated this October 23, 2008

Dedicated to the 241 Who Sacrificed the Ultimate

I STILL REMEMBER

When I raised my hand and took my oath
I could have never known
The land I loved with all my heart
Would send me far from home.
There across the ocean nearly 23 years ago
In a land so far away
My life suddenly changed in just one day.
Soldiers upon soldiers
One by one they came
In black body bags
Some just in pieces
Body parts covered in dirt and soil
From terror in a land so far away
Handle them gently and love them greatly
For they died in their sleep
So senseless they died for no reason
In the fall of the season
They spoke to me one by one:
I am in heaven
Take what remains and honor me, but weep for me no more.
Like you my solider, we always stand at death’s door.
I took my oath to honor and obey
Now, strength and courage is yours to display.
Weep for me no more.
Though I was sleeping in the barracks that night
I would have rather had a chance to fight
But terrorism is a coward even in the darkness of the night.
The battle will continue my friend
Your life will be changed forever
For on this day you send me home
You will always remember.
Weep for me no more
You now have to struggle each and every day.
I wish with all my heart I could take your pain away
But I know I cannot
Weep for me no more.
Return me to the land I love
To the country that I served
Please honor me in a way I deserve.

Nearly 23 years have passed and I still remember
The 241 Marine soldiers who died and went home in November.

By

Bonnie J. Tierney
April 6, 2006

Resubmitted: October 23, 2008

25 Years Later

On My Knees I Fall

I regrettably will not see the wall
This year on the 25th anniversary
Of the Beirut bombing that took 241 souls
On my knees I fall

They call me to the wall – to the other wall
One by one they call me
I see them clearly now and like you
I touch the wall and yes,
On my knees I fall

In my dreams I touch the wall
I remember how I touched them
And how they touched me
On my knees I fall

25 Years have passed and I Still Remember
Things that no man should ever see
You do not know me
You do not know who I am
I can tell you though ~ I am not a man

For on the day I sent them home
I gave them each a piece of my heart
It was then that I took an oath
To do my “motherly” part
For on my knees I will continue to fall
Because the 241 souls ~ gave their all.
On your knees please ~ for you too, must fall.


Written by:

Bonnie J. Tierney
August 18, 2008

Author & Veteran
Locked in Time – I Still Remember and Always Will

Composed on the day I found out that the Stamp Committee denied the right
To Issue a Stamp in honor of those who fell…

They Should Have Listened

When I heard John McCain indicate during his debate with Senator “Caesar” Obama that had President Reagan listened to his call not to go into Beirut, Lebanon, in 1983, I couldn’t help think at the time how my life would have been different.

Yesterday marked the 35th Anniversary of my enlistment in the United States Air Force and on October 23, 2008, it will be the 25th Anniversary of the Beirut bombing of the Marine barracks in Beirut, Lebanon, where 241 Marines, sailors and soldiers died giving their life in the name of peace.

As one of the officers in charge of the identification and processing of those 241 soldiers, I can’t begin to tell you how much I suffered over these last 25 years “remembering” those I helped return to their loved ones. I wrote my own story, “Locked in Time – I Still Remember and Always Will” and for the first time since I wrote my book, I read it…at least half. It’s too painful to read at times bringing back the days and nights I spent in the tents at Rhein Main Air Base, Frankfurt, Germany.

Since that time, I have suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and have had thoughts of suicide over and over again. With the help of the Department of Veterans Affairs in Denver, Colorado, my dear therapist and much tried medication, I am living what is close to a “normal” life. Does that mean I have forgotten – no, absolutely not. I will NEVER forget but I have managed to become more educated about PTSD and how to control my “trigger” points. A “trigger” is something that causes and individual to “go back” to the time and place where they experienced the horrific trauma. A “trigger” is anything that may cause one who has PTSD to relive an event.

In my case, “Thanksgiving Day” is one of many “triggers” in my life. For the last twenty-four years I have been unable to experience the joy of a Thanksgiving Day dinner with my friends or family. We finished identifying all the soldiers before Thanksgiving Day in 1983 and I recall inviting some of those that worked with me over for dinner. We were sitting around the table and I brought the turkey out of the oven. As I began to carve the turkey I recall thinking that turkey looked like flesh and when I saw the liquid oozing from the turkey, it reminded me of the liquid that oozed from the decayed body parts that I so gently touched and so I began to “toss my cookies” all over the dinner table and what followed was a chain reaction from my friends. Needless to say, it was an emotionally damaging event.

Last year at Thanksgiving, I tried once again to enjoy my day with a hearty dinner. The dog passed gas and I ended up “tossing my cookies” in my wine glass and running out the living room door yelling, “it smells like dead bodies” and as I ran out the front door, I continued to “toss my cookies” in the front yard and wet my pants. What do you say to your friends when you return – “excuse me, I just had a PTSD moment!” As I look at their faces in shock over what they just saw, I see pity in their eyes as they look at me. I don’t want anyone’s pity; I just want to heal from these traumatic memories.
So it is in hearing John McCain say something to the affect, “I told them we shouldn’t go into Beirut and they didn’t listen” and why I sit here now, nearly twenty-five years later and wonder why those in government were not paying attention to him. I wonder so many things, most of all, I wonder how different my life would be today if I had not been involved with “Project ID.”

With a Heart of Love,


Bonnie Tierney
Author & Veteran

Let's Put Shaving Cream on that Pig! It's Inclusive!

The Master of words himself, "Caesar Obama" knew exactly what he was saying when he used the words "Lipstick on a Pig." He is so caculated about what he writes that he knew the Republican base would grab the bait. Most likely, he also formed his response ahead of time, once again, very calculated in his choice of words. There is no doubt in my mind he wanted to cause this type of stir -- why else would he use that terminology at this time in the campaign.

What boggles my mind is that people love to drink his "Kool-Aid" and then give total reprieve. The media just gives him a total pass on everything and now that Governor Palin is not talking to the media ~ they have nothing else to report on.

The American people see through "Caesar Obama" even though the media doesn't. He slapped 18 M voters in the face by not choosing Senator Clinton on his ticket and that simply will be his demise. The words "Lipstick on a pig" is demeaning in any context to women and I would hope we could put this term to rest. Somehow, putting "Shaving Cream" on a pig is inclusive because both men and women use it - so why not try something different.

The American people will choose different this year when it selects its first VP female in over 200 years!

Bonnie Tierney
Author & Veteran

Country First ~ Country First ~ Always Country First!

Yesterday I attended the McCain-Palin rally in Colorado Springs and I'm here to tell you that "change is on it's way" to Washington with the McCain-Palin ticket! This election is not about party politics folks, it's about Country First and McCain has it right. Not only did he put a Washington outsider on his ticket but he managed to get more people watch him at the RNC than Obama had. What that means is that the vast majority of Americans are still undecided ~ the 18M undecided Hillary Clinton supporters.

Now, "Caesar Obama" must "summon" Hillary Clinton for more help! Are you kidding me - Senator Obama, it's over. After what I witnessed in Colorado, your talking about change is nothing like making real change happen.

As I proudly stood up and held a sign with the words, "Democrats 4 McCain" I was actually embraced by the Republican party. What a change that was for me. After spending a week in Denver walking around the streets with a Hillary Clinton campaign button on my shirt and being jeered at, ran into by skateboarders and people confronting me with "why not Obama" - it was refreshing to see guenine people with good moral character who appreciated my being at the rally. Country First ~ Country First ~ Country First. Why would I have it any other way? My country has always come First and it always will.

With a Heart of Love,

Bonnie Tierney
Author & Veteran

Party Rules Are Out the Door Tonight!

My argument to not vote for MaCain-Palin was based on lack of experience for Governor Palin but tonight she did much to dispel my fears. What Sarah Palin did was to convince me that I wasn’t wrong in the first place for initially feeling the way I did about Barack Obama. So what if I’m flip flopping – it’s my vote and I’m voting for McCain-Palin! I don’t want to make a mistake on my vote this year – it’s too critical. The Republicans didn’t play to my fear – I already understand the effects of terrorism. You need only read my story: Locked in Time – I Still Remember and Always Will. As one who served in the armed forces on active duty, I must do my duty to honor my country and understand that this election, above all, is NO GAME and party rules go out the door. As one who voted for democrats for nearly 35 years of my voting years, it’s time to move beyond party politics. Barack Obama has not yet earned that desk in the Oval Office and I agree with Mike Huckabee; Rudy Guiliani and Joe Lieberman. Joe is from Connecticut – my home state before I entered the military.

I was a staunch supporter of Hillary Clinton but Sarah Palin is no Hillary Clinton – she is her own woman and I liked what I heard tonight. She was genuine, feisty, well-informed and a true patriot and most especially and outsider to Washington politics. I love that most of all – and outsider, a reformer, another maverick. Everyone needs a Maverick on their team because without them, we may never hear the truth. You see, if we are to change Washington, we must bring change to Washington and both John McCain and Sarah Palin represent the type of change I want from my government.

One of my greatest concerns I raised as an issue in not voting for Senator McCain was his health. I questioned whether I wanted an “inexperienced” Governor of two years to become the President of the United States should Senator McCain pass on while in office. Tonight, Sarah Palin shot an A-10 bullet right at Senator Obama’s experience and I heard it very clearly. I like these Mavericks…look out Washington – real change is on the way.

Bonnie Tierney
Author & Veteran

Battleground States '08

Battleground States '08

Battleground States '08

Battleground States '08

"Ripe For the Picking"

Last night while standing outside the MSNBC studios, waiting to hear what Barack Obama would tell the world, so many thoughts ran through my head. I thought to myself, my dream of realizing a woman President is possible in the United States of America had just been taken away and Hillary Clinton surrendered defeat on the day women earned the right to vote with the passing of the 19th amendment 88 years ago, August 26th. I thought about how the DNC had pulled on my heart strings and I was angry.

Then comes Al Gore, to give a heartfelt endorsement for Barack Obama. Still nothing was going to move me -- move mountains he said - then told us to move mountains! As I repeated the phrase, "Mountain move" over and over again, I thought about Senator Clinton and how she moved mountains, how much she inspired me and with every ounce of my breath, I kept realizing the only one I wanted to move mountains for America was Senator Clinton. Then I began thinking about her speech and how she asked us to turn our support to Barack Obama. How can I do this I thought? He has spoken with no substance for the entire campaign and I can't just offer my support to another politician with empty promises.

I convinced myself that I needed substance - I needed to hear from Barack Obama what he would do to get us out of this economic crisis, what he would do to restore diplomacy in our country, what he would do for the working class in our country and most of all, what he would do for our veterans, especially those who are homeless and helpless because of the failed Bush policies. I convinced myself that I would stand with an open mind and open heart and toss away my internal anger over Senator Clinton not being selected as the Presidential nominee for our country, let alone being selected as Barack Obama's VP running mate. I have always said that his not selecting Senator Clinton would be his biggest mistake of his campaign along with not visiting our wounded warriors while in Europe.

Suddenly, I'm standing next to two Republicans and Chris Matthews decides to come down off the set to interview them. He wanted to understand why people would vote Republican and one of the women he interviewed was a die-hard Hillary Clinton fan. She was wearing one of Senator Clinton's pins. Prior to the interview, I had been talking to the Hillary Clinton supporter and she was indicating that the way the caucuses were controlled was her greatest disappointment. She spoke of unfair practices during the campaign and indicated that the only reason Senator Obama won was because his supporters were unethical in the way they handled the process. I said, "say that on national television." She looked concerned and I said, "are you a PUMA" to which she responded, "no, I am not that radical." "If you believe that the process was flawed, then you must say that on national television," I said.

They completed the interview and as Chris Matthews moved down the line, looking for other Republicans in the crowd, I couldn't help listen to the one true "Republican" gentleman who turned to me and said, "Senator McCain will release the name of his VP select an hour before the news media gets it, then will pass it to the Press. It may very well be, Governor Palin from Alaska or Kay Bailey Hutchinson." Much to my surprise, I said, "Who is Governor Palin?" He replied, "the Governor from Alaska." He followed by saying, "it's the right choice because Hillary Clinton supporters are 'ripe for the picking.'"

Ripe for the Picking! Who am I? Am I an apple on a tree? A pepper on a plant? A peanut in the ground? Ripe for the picking! I knew now that I must keep an open mind and listen to the party that I have supported for nearly 35 years, voting for only 1 Republican ~ and that was my first vote so I'm allowed to make one mistake.

Ripe for the Picking! This morning, I just heard the announcement that John McCain has picked Governor Palin, a female Governor from Alaska to be his running mate. A Pro-Life supporter, mother of 5 with one newborn child who has Downs Syndrome and another going off to Iraq on September 11th, serving in the Army. You did it right, John McCain. You showed you're a Maverick -- but I am "NOT RIPE FOR THE PICKING" - NOT NOW, NOT EVER, NO WAY.

After listening to Barack Obama set forth at least 29 specifics last night and being so moved, not by his orator skills but my his simple message - I have decided to cast my vote for Barack Obama in November. I am not a faucet to be turned on and off -- my heart strings pulled one way then another -- and most especially, I am NOT RIPE FOR THE PICKING OF REPUBLICAN party that has become so desperate to win!

I would have loved nothing more than to have Barack Obama select Hillary Clinton for his VP because GOD knows, she deserved it and she is a leader among all leaders -- but I will not support 4 more years of failed politics of the Bush Administration. As Barack Obama stated - I'm not willing to bet 10% on change by voting for John McCain.

Ripe for the Picking -- I may have grown tomatoes on a farm in rural South Windsor, Connecticut as a young child and through my high school years -- but the one thing I know for sure ~ I am NOT RIPE FOR THE PICKING...for anyone and while I want change for our country and I would love to see a woman on the ticket, I am going to set aside my disappointment and I am going to do what is best for our country and vote for Senator Obama. I would encourage anyone who supports the Democratic Party and the message they have to send, despite the inefficiencies that occurred during the election, to cast a vote for Senator Obama. We need change ~ desperately in our country and the time is NOW.

With a Heart of Love,

Bonnie Tierney
Author & Veteran

My Dream Was Not Realized

Everyone has a dream and it's taken me a few short days to realize my dream of seeing the First Women President in my lifetime may have just been defeated on the 88th Anniversary of Women's Suffrage. How ironic that Senator Hillary Clinton should lose her dream too!

Was that a slap in the face to women around the world or what? Was I awake or sleeping? How could any woman stand up in front of the world on August 26th of all dates and admit defeat? Who the hell picked that date anyway? Only one person with such strength, such dignity, such vision for the world could do it -- Senator Clinton.

I'm not a faucet that can be turned on or off at the touch of a hand. This year, the DNC has been the greatest disappointment in my lifetime. If Hillary Clinton did anything on Tuesday night, it was to convince me that she was more Presidential than ever before and that she should have been the nominee for the Democratic party. People say "get over it" - move on, move forward and get on board. It's not that easy because Senator Obama has not yet convinced me that he is the man to lead our country.

Tonight in Denver, in my home state, history will be made at the Mile High Stadium that has been turned into the Roman Forum. "Caesar Obama" will be crowned "King" and yes, on the 45th? Anniversary of the day that Martin Luther King gave his "I have a dream" speech, "Caesar Obama" will have the opportunity to fulfill that dream. Who picked that date?

Am I sleeping or is it a dream -- did women just get the proverbial shaft once again? 200 plus years and we still can't break that glass ceiling even with 18 million cracks in it. The "dream team" won't exist because "Caesar Obama" was too afraid to have a "Clinton" in the White House. Did you see what I saw on television the other night?

Did you see "Michelle Obama" grit her teeth when Hillary Clinton was speaking? Was I the only one to see her eyes? Someone please review every bit of the clips on Michelle Obama. The nonverbal communication was so obvious that I know now who was behind not choosing Senator Clinton as the VP for "Caesar Obama."

You see, it's the same reasons women in the military were kept out of the Missile silos for so many years. The wives were afraid to have their husbands serve underground with women. Senator Clinton lost this race because women failed to stand up for her -- even Oprah chose race over gender.

My dream was not realized on the eve of Women's Suffrage. How much more must we suffer before we too, can realize our dreams?