Your Wake Up Call Bonnie

You never know how much you want to live until you die! Five weeks ago I had major surgery at the VA hospital in Denver and while everything went well in surgery, apparently they lost me in the recovery room! I remember talking to the nurse after surgery and the next thing I know the nurse is crying next to me at my bedside as I opened my eyes. Apparently, I had low tolerance to the pain medication administered to me and I stopped breathing. She said, "we lost you -- you turned as purple as my uniform." It was obvious she was new to her profession by her reaction but I was elated non the less to be alive. For a moment, I remembered how I had often contemplated suicide over the last 25 years because of my PTSD from my military experiences with the bombing of the Beirut Marine barracks on October 23, 1983. It wasn't until she said I stopped breathing that I realized just how much I wanted to live!

Nothing in life is worth taking your life -- not money, not love, not family, not depression, not bullying and certainly not from our military experiences. I had to die in order to value life, value my health. I suppose God would say -- "This is your Wake Up Call Bonnie" I heard him loud and clear.

I'm thankful to the doctors at the VA who brought me back and I'm thankful for the life I have experienced -- both the good and the bad. For the last year, I have been doing extremely well but I know however many days, weeks, months and years that I am blessed with -- I will value them by "making a difference everyday" in the lives I touch everyday. Whether it is a brief encounter with a stranger, or talking with family and friends -- I will remember that I stopped breathing and now have a second chance at life.

I told my therapist a month ago that I spent the last 25 years "Locked in Time" -- stuck in the past and allowed the tragic bombing of the Marine Barracks that killed 241 soldiers to greatly effect my life nearly every day -- so much that many times I had contemplated suicide. I lost so much time because of my PTSD. I can no longer be held captive to my expereinces, to the memories that haunted me so long. While I will NEVER forget what happened to those soldiers and yes, while I'm angry that even the "Simpsons" rate a postage stamp fromt he US Postal Service and our soldiers who died so senselessly can't even get that honor -- I will use what precious time I have on this earth to live...Lord knows I've sacrificed much for my country...now it's time for me to experience the beauty of our earth and truly live life to its fullest.

With a Heart of Love,

Bonnie Tierney
Author & Veteran