Year after year I have made the same mistake - running from love. I convince myself with every relationship that I enter - it's ok to give my heart to someone - just not all of it. I am going to be sixty in September and I have given my heart to everyone , at least some of it to individuals -- to everyone but the person that counts. The person that matters. For over 40 years I have loved just one person and she knows who she is! My heart can love no other....it bleeds the letters LOVE everyday. I breathe air but I am frozen in time. I can't move beyond my love for you! I have been paralyzed....with memories of your smile, your eyes, your smell and your beautiful voice. We shared one kiss and the warmth of that kiss captured me forever. I don't live in the past...I live in the present evey day....wishing my life would be different! I want my last years to be free of anyone but you....I am far from being delusional....I know what I want....do you?
Truly - With a Heart of Love,
BJ Tierney
5/29/2014
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Is 30 Minutes Enough?
Is 30 Minutes
Enough?
I've always said, “In order to be healthy, your mind,
body and soul have to be ONE.” 30 minutes of exercise, 30 minutes
of meditation and 30 minutes in therapy! All well and good, but if your
body is wracked with pain and the prescribed meds you take are causing you to
grow by leaps and bounds, how can 30 minutes of exercise be enough? Of
course diet is key...but when stressed, I eat! I don't even feel like
exercising because of my pain. I know, you say, "excuses, excuses,
excuses." The truth is, I just have to do it! But oh...the
pain.
Pain management for those suffering with mental health
issues is a tremendous concern. I don't know about you, but the
older I get the less tolerant I am to pain. That's when I try to breathe,
focus or meditate. Meditation works if you do it every day----helps calm your
soul.
What about the mind though? 30 minutes of
therapy -- is once a month really enough?
It's taken me 10 years to get to this point in my quest
toward a healthy mind and only in the last 3 years have I made any significant
progress after attending an inpatient treatment center in Lyons New
Jersey. It was there that I learned you have to Feel, Deal and Heal. I meditated, I
walked with the help of a walker and tried to eat well...but I was in long term
therapy and that's the difference. It's my personal belief that 30
minutes of therapy once a month is not enough for those who have serious mental
health issues. You realize that when it takes 10 minutes to take off and
put on your coat in the therapist's office. We all know there is limited access
for every veteran for Mental Health Care and that time is precious. The
Mental Health staff are stressed themselves to be able to meet the demand and
case load. You can see it in their faces-- I'm sure they too, need help
from the case load.
While I was very excited and proud that the VA hired over 1600 Mental Health Professionals to expand health care and provide outreach efforts a year ago to show good faith commitment to the health and well-being of the men and women who have served our Nation – we must do all we can to continue to increase their access to care. So what's the answer? If you extend the time to one hour, less veterans will be seen with our existing staff.
The answer is simple: Continue to hire more mental
health care staff to meet the demands. Shouldn't we have learned this
from Vietnam? More important, let's afford every veteran with serious
mental health issues the opportunity to attend inpatient treatment, open more
access to mental health and make sure women veterans get equal access. I
had to travel clear across the country to get my extended inpatient care,
even though the Denver VA is a large facility. There was no PTSD program
for women veterans in Denver either. That's an issue we must address as
well -- access to treatment near our homes. Let's not make sick veterans travel
clear across country to get their care. Congress must fully fund these
programs and deal with mental health issues regarding all our veterans - be
they active duty, reserve, retired, etc.
Mental Health issues are a community crisis now and it
will take a Village of mental health professionals to ensure adequate care.
Every American should be afforded mental health care. To deny access is
to deny a basic human right.
Feel, Deal and Heal - is 30 minutes enough? I don't think so!
Bonnie Tierney
Author, Poet, Disabled Veteran
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
The Mind Game - Nobody Ever Wins
Just before I left work today, April 2, 2014, I heard about another shooting at Fort Hood and it took me completely by surprise. The last shooting angered me beyond belief because it involved a military officer who happened to be a psychiatrist and a terrorist as well. Why would that shooting affect me so deeply?
Nearly 31 years ago, while I was a young Lieutenant on active duty with the United States Air Force and serving in Frankfurt, Germany, I was one of the officers in charge of the identification and processing of the 241 Marines, saliors and soldiers that were killed while sleeping in the Marine Barracks in Beirut, Lebanon on October 23, 1983. I will never forget my involvement and what I witnessed in the tents in order to send our troops home with honor and dignity. My life was changed forever.
I wrote a book, http://www.outskirtspress.com/LockedInTime about my experiences after I left the military as a Major with prior enlisted experience, just one year short of a full military retirement because unknowingly I had PTSD. I was deep in depression when I wrote my book, had suicidal thoughts but I wanted to capture the craziness I was going through for the Mental Health community. Getting into the head of a soldier is like playing "The Mind Game." Simply -- the troops won't let you in for the most part because they are afraid. Afraid to tell you that they are not only suicidal but homicidal as well. I know -- because I played "The Mind Game" too.
This shooting at Fort Hood had to be different - or was it? Five years have passed since the last Fort Hood shooting and that's five more years of therapy for me. I'm in a better place now because of the treatment I've received from the Department of Veterans Affairs mental health team and so I process this information differently.
Today, I'm extremely concerned about the welfare of all our troops, particularly those who have served multiple tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. They play "The Mind Game" well while on active duty. Unfortunately, many still feel asking for help would be a detriment to their active duty careers and so they hide their concerns and issues, blow up at their spouses when no one is around, take it out on their kids or yell at their neighbors. Most have short fuses and are angered easily. Let's not forget about road rage -- let's tailgate and piss off the driver who cuts us off, maybe even go as so far to follow them home. In my case, several years ago, I used my car as a "weapon" to pin some teenagers up against a snow bank when they threw snowballs at my car. I chased them down and threatened to shoot them the next time I caught them throwing snowballs at cars! Was my reaction reasonable? Of course not -- and it's this type of behavior that will get me killed.
The shooter is dead. No doubt it had to end that way for the soldier after the shooting spree because in his mind -- there was no way out. We think there is no way out -- but there is! I wished I would have contacted the Department of Veterans Affairs when I was on active duty and in my last year before retirement. I couldn't bring myself to ask for help -- so I gave up 19 years on active duty and left the military. It took me a very long time to ask for help but I'm alive today because I did.
I wonder if today's shooter was suffering from PTSD, had mental health issues and was equally as reluctant to ask for help. I wonder so many things now. Even if he didn't suffer from PTSD, anyone who resorts to gun violence and taking the lives of innocent people, are crying for help.
One final thought. Today's troops are fighting a war in urban development. It's not like the guys who fought in Vietnam in the jungle. Going through a simple door can be an upsetting event for someone who has experienced trauma -- driving down the highway can trigger events too. Don't play "The Mind Game" -- nobody ever wins.
With a Heart of Love
Bonnie J. Tierney
Nearly 31 years ago, while I was a young Lieutenant on active duty with the United States Air Force and serving in Frankfurt, Germany, I was one of the officers in charge of the identification and processing of the 241 Marines, saliors and soldiers that were killed while sleeping in the Marine Barracks in Beirut, Lebanon on October 23, 1983. I will never forget my involvement and what I witnessed in the tents in order to send our troops home with honor and dignity. My life was changed forever.
I wrote a book, http://www.outskirtspress.com/LockedInTime about my experiences after I left the military as a Major with prior enlisted experience, just one year short of a full military retirement because unknowingly I had PTSD. I was deep in depression when I wrote my book, had suicidal thoughts but I wanted to capture the craziness I was going through for the Mental Health community. Getting into the head of a soldier is like playing "The Mind Game." Simply -- the troops won't let you in for the most part because they are afraid. Afraid to tell you that they are not only suicidal but homicidal as well. I know -- because I played "The Mind Game" too.
This shooting at Fort Hood had to be different - or was it? Five years have passed since the last Fort Hood shooting and that's five more years of therapy for me. I'm in a better place now because of the treatment I've received from the Department of Veterans Affairs mental health team and so I process this information differently.
Today, I'm extremely concerned about the welfare of all our troops, particularly those who have served multiple tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. They play "The Mind Game" well while on active duty. Unfortunately, many still feel asking for help would be a detriment to their active duty careers and so they hide their concerns and issues, blow up at their spouses when no one is around, take it out on their kids or yell at their neighbors. Most have short fuses and are angered easily. Let's not forget about road rage -- let's tailgate and piss off the driver who cuts us off, maybe even go as so far to follow them home. In my case, several years ago, I used my car as a "weapon" to pin some teenagers up against a snow bank when they threw snowballs at my car. I chased them down and threatened to shoot them the next time I caught them throwing snowballs at cars! Was my reaction reasonable? Of course not -- and it's this type of behavior that will get me killed.
The shooter is dead. No doubt it had to end that way for the soldier after the shooting spree because in his mind -- there was no way out. We think there is no way out -- but there is! I wished I would have contacted the Department of Veterans Affairs when I was on active duty and in my last year before retirement. I couldn't bring myself to ask for help -- so I gave up 19 years on active duty and left the military. It took me a very long time to ask for help but I'm alive today because I did.
I wonder if today's shooter was suffering from PTSD, had mental health issues and was equally as reluctant to ask for help. I wonder so many things now. Even if he didn't suffer from PTSD, anyone who resorts to gun violence and taking the lives of innocent people, are crying for help.
One final thought. Today's troops are fighting a war in urban development. It's not like the guys who fought in Vietnam in the jungle. Going through a simple door can be an upsetting event for someone who has experienced trauma -- driving down the highway can trigger events too. Don't play "The Mind Game" -- nobody ever wins.
With a Heart of Love
Bonnie J. Tierney
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