With A Heart of Love for the 241

To My Comrades


You are not alone today
You stand tall and with your family by your side
Memories of your past will live on forever
In the hearts and souls of so many

Your names are each etched on the wall
And through time many have come to understand
The how, who, what where and when
The senselessness of the attack on the Marine barracks
that took each of you from us

Today though, I remember with a Heart of Love
I remember not the darkness but the love
That each of your families and loved ones send my way
For on this day I have surrendered
My pain, my tears and all that I remember

That is destructive to my personal being
I will learn to walk in the light
With you by side giving me strength
To know that today I too have given my all

Light a candle for me my friends
Hold me by your side
In your hearts and souls
I will now forever reside

With a Heart of Love
Written for the 241 soldiers
Who are no longer just names on a wall

Bonnie Tierney
October 23, 2008

For the Grace of God....

The Heart of My Ocean


You are the heart of my ocean
Your very existence keeps me alive
Nothing else around me seems to matter
I’m holding on to this feeling – so fearful of letting go

Time seems so endless and yet I know the clock is ticking
The waves cover me – the water pounding against my face
The pain continues, relentless in the effort to arouse me
Vivid memories rip at the very core of my existence
Why can’t I forget?

Then I reach down – deep into my heart
I’m reminded of you again
Nothing can hurt me anymore
For I have given more than I have left
And that which remains is all that I have.

You are the heart of my ocean
When the sun sets and the ocean grows calm
And you lie down to rest
I will close my eyes and rest with you
For all that matters will be no more
Why? You are the heart of my ocean.

By

B.J. Tierney
December 31, 2001

Written for

“Rose” who wears “Big Shoes”

The powerful "Grace" in My Life

Re-dedicated this October 23, 2008

Dedicated to the 241 Who Sacrificed the Ultimate

I STILL REMEMBER

When I raised my hand and took my oath
I could have never known
The land I loved with all my heart
Would send me far from home.
There across the ocean nearly 23 years ago
In a land so far away
My life suddenly changed in just one day.
Soldiers upon soldiers
One by one they came
In black body bags
Some just in pieces
Body parts covered in dirt and soil
From terror in a land so far away
Handle them gently and love them greatly
For they died in their sleep
So senseless they died for no reason
In the fall of the season
They spoke to me one by one:
I am in heaven
Take what remains and honor me, but weep for me no more.
Like you my solider, we always stand at death’s door.
I took my oath to honor and obey
Now, strength and courage is yours to display.
Weep for me no more.
Though I was sleeping in the barracks that night
I would have rather had a chance to fight
But terrorism is a coward even in the darkness of the night.
The battle will continue my friend
Your life will be changed forever
For on this day you send me home
You will always remember.
Weep for me no more
You now have to struggle each and every day.
I wish with all my heart I could take your pain away
But I know I cannot
Weep for me no more.
Return me to the land I love
To the country that I served
Please honor me in a way I deserve.

Nearly 23 years have passed and I still remember
The 241 Marine soldiers who died and went home in November.

By

Bonnie J. Tierney
April 6, 2006

Resubmitted: October 23, 2008

25 Years Later

On My Knees I Fall

I regrettably will not see the wall
This year on the 25th anniversary
Of the Beirut bombing that took 241 souls
On my knees I fall

They call me to the wall – to the other wall
One by one they call me
I see them clearly now and like you
I touch the wall and yes,
On my knees I fall

In my dreams I touch the wall
I remember how I touched them
And how they touched me
On my knees I fall

25 Years have passed and I Still Remember
Things that no man should ever see
You do not know me
You do not know who I am
I can tell you though ~ I am not a man

For on the day I sent them home
I gave them each a piece of my heart
It was then that I took an oath
To do my “motherly” part
For on my knees I will continue to fall
Because the 241 souls ~ gave their all.
On your knees please ~ for you too, must fall.


Written by:

Bonnie J. Tierney
August 18, 2008

Author & Veteran
Locked in Time – I Still Remember and Always Will

Composed on the day I found out that the Stamp Committee denied the right
To Issue a Stamp in honor of those who fell…

They Should Have Listened

When I heard John McCain indicate during his debate with Senator “Caesar” Obama that had President Reagan listened to his call not to go into Beirut, Lebanon, in 1983, I couldn’t help think at the time how my life would have been different.

Yesterday marked the 35th Anniversary of my enlistment in the United States Air Force and on October 23, 2008, it will be the 25th Anniversary of the Beirut bombing of the Marine barracks in Beirut, Lebanon, where 241 Marines, sailors and soldiers died giving their life in the name of peace.

As one of the officers in charge of the identification and processing of those 241 soldiers, I can’t begin to tell you how much I suffered over these last 25 years “remembering” those I helped return to their loved ones. I wrote my own story, “Locked in Time – I Still Remember and Always Will” and for the first time since I wrote my book, I read it…at least half. It’s too painful to read at times bringing back the days and nights I spent in the tents at Rhein Main Air Base, Frankfurt, Germany.

Since that time, I have suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and have had thoughts of suicide over and over again. With the help of the Department of Veterans Affairs in Denver, Colorado, my dear therapist and much tried medication, I am living what is close to a “normal” life. Does that mean I have forgotten – no, absolutely not. I will NEVER forget but I have managed to become more educated about PTSD and how to control my “trigger” points. A “trigger” is something that causes and individual to “go back” to the time and place where they experienced the horrific trauma. A “trigger” is anything that may cause one who has PTSD to relive an event.

In my case, “Thanksgiving Day” is one of many “triggers” in my life. For the last twenty-four years I have been unable to experience the joy of a Thanksgiving Day dinner with my friends or family. We finished identifying all the soldiers before Thanksgiving Day in 1983 and I recall inviting some of those that worked with me over for dinner. We were sitting around the table and I brought the turkey out of the oven. As I began to carve the turkey I recall thinking that turkey looked like flesh and when I saw the liquid oozing from the turkey, it reminded me of the liquid that oozed from the decayed body parts that I so gently touched and so I began to “toss my cookies” all over the dinner table and what followed was a chain reaction from my friends. Needless to say, it was an emotionally damaging event.

Last year at Thanksgiving, I tried once again to enjoy my day with a hearty dinner. The dog passed gas and I ended up “tossing my cookies” in my wine glass and running out the living room door yelling, “it smells like dead bodies” and as I ran out the front door, I continued to “toss my cookies” in the front yard and wet my pants. What do you say to your friends when you return – “excuse me, I just had a PTSD moment!” As I look at their faces in shock over what they just saw, I see pity in their eyes as they look at me. I don’t want anyone’s pity; I just want to heal from these traumatic memories.
So it is in hearing John McCain say something to the affect, “I told them we shouldn’t go into Beirut and they didn’t listen” and why I sit here now, nearly twenty-five years later and wonder why those in government were not paying attention to him. I wonder so many things, most of all, I wonder how different my life would be today if I had not been involved with “Project ID.”

With a Heart of Love,


Bonnie Tierney
Author & Veteran